First Blog. Bear with me.

I've decided that as part of my New Year's resolutions and total life-changing goals, keeping a blog would be a good way to achieve my new inner adequateness. I'm not aiming for perfection; I'll leave that for saints and pageant contestants like the lovely Ms. Prejan.

No, I'm just hoping to accomplish a few minor things this year, like becoming a well-rounded person (but less round), insanely good golfer (but not too good because Tom hates it when I out drive him), even better mom (though if you ask Jake, this isn't possible, and I wonder if that's because he thinks I am fabulous or just because he knows my limitations as a human being may prevent significant development in this area), and the ultimate employment lawyer for my employer, succeeding in quashing hungry plaintiff's dreams of easy cash and reducing them to tears on a daily basis.

As you can see, I've got some work to do. Because my husband accused me recently of making him gain weight through my kitchen sorcery and all-around mischievous nature (if he's fat, no other woman will want him! mwa ha ha ha ha), I have punished him by making him embark on a get-in-better-shape plan for the new year with me, with a goal of supermodel-dom by May, when we embark to Vegas for my ex-husband's wedding and Tom's son's 21st birthday. My nephew Nick will also be celebrating his 21st birthday in Vegas at the same time, so it should be a scene of total debauchery and all-around bad behavior. Needless to say, we want to look our best when we make this trip. Photos will be taken. There WILL be a record. 'Nuff said.

So basically, I plan to use this blog to share healthy recipes, workout tips, results (only the good ones, of course), and as a place to go for distraction when the white wine and brie is calling and I really need to find something else to do. Also, I will likely complain from time to time about how hungry I am. I'LL PLAN TO DO THAT IN ALL CAPS.

I'll also be posting blogs loaded with my opinions about various events in my life and current events. I am not allowed to vent to my husband or child anymore about the insidious Sarah Palin, or the fact that people on reality shows are not "actors." My rantings about Richard Heene have also been curbed at home, and don't get me started on the smoking ban. Basically, this blog will serve as a shout into an empty, cold universe of despair. I hope I don't offend anyone. Then again, that's sort of my specialty.

One more thing. Once in a while I like to write a poem or a song. I'll torture you with that too.