Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Three days of torture

I've been a good girl - really.  I have spent the past three days diligently tracking my caloric intake, exercise, and giving myself positive reinforcement through SC (silent cheerleading - it's a movement I have started but not yet publicized until now).  SC involves dispensing with the negative self-talk (your jeans are tight! you're getting cellulite!  nobody follows your blog!) to focusing on the positive (they shrunk in the wash!  I'll buy that magic cream from TV!  Dad follows my blog!).

So far, the SC has been minimally effective and I have found the most effective way to stay motivated is to picture myself at the finish line.  In Vegas.  In a flattering outfit.  With a cheesecake.  However, if you are going to engage in SC outside the privacy of your home, please remember to refrain from moving your lips as you construct your uplifting, positive self-talk.  At the gym yesterday I had a few people look askance at me as I silently mouthed "you go guuurl!" and "she's waaaay bigger than you!" while pumping my fists in a boxing motion on the elliptical.  People are so uncomfortable around anyone who's different.  Geez.

Today I spent 80 minutes on cardio and 20 on weightlifting.  The weightlifting portion of the workout consisted of lifting a small weight in the form of a wine glass up and  down, up and down, you get the drift.  My trainer tells me low weight, high repetition will give me the greatest result, so I am just following orders.  By May I should be toned, trimmed, and residing at the Betty Ford Center.

I kid!  I kid!  I would never drink excessively while dieting or engage in BUI (blogging under the influence).

Because Friday is the Rose Bowl, and because the Ducks make it to the Rose Bowl about as often as we get a blue moon on New Year's Eve, I am forsaking the strict meal plan and making a pork ragu ziti, recipe below.  It is not even remotely healthy.  However, I feel strongly that people like me more when I cook this dish.  Love me, even.  Try it, you'll like it.

Finally, I'd like to note that beauty is on the inside, not the outside.  You have no idea how gorgeous I am.  I'm Claudia Schiffer if you turn me inside out.  I've been working with my neighborhood plastic surgeon to figure out how to do that, but he suggests I explore Botox and liposuction in the meantime.  Whatever.



Baked Ziti with Spicy Pork and Sausage Ragù


2 tablespoons olive oil

4 ounces thinly sliced pancetta,* chopped

2 pounds Boston butt (pork shoulder), cut into 1 1/4-inch cubes

1 pound Italian hot sausages, casings removed

2 cups chopped onions

3/4 cup chopped carrots

3/4 cup chopped celery

6 large fresh thyme sprigs

6 large garlic cloves, chopped

2 bay leaves

1/2 teaspoon dried crushed red pepper

2 cups dry red wine

1 28-ounce can plum tomatoes in juice, tomatoes chopped, juice reserved



1 1/4 pounds ziti pasta

2 cups (packed) coarsely grated whole-milk mozzarella cheese (about 8 ounces)

1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese



Heat olive oil in heavy large pot over medium-high heat. Add pancetta and sauté until brown and crisp. Using slotted spoon, transfer pancetta to bowl. Sprinkle pork with salt and pepper. Add half of pork to drippings in pot; sauté until brown, about 7 minutes. Transfer to bowl with pancetta. Repeat with remaining pork. Add sausage to same pot. Sauté until no longer pink, breaking up with back of fork, about 5 minutes. Add onions, carrots, celery, thyme, garlic, bay leaves, and crushed red pepper. Reduce heat to medium-low; sauté until vegetables are tender, about 10 minutes. Add wine and bring to boil, scraping up browned bits. Add pancetta and pork with any accumulated juices; boil 2 minutes. Add tomatoes with juice. Cover and cook until pork is very tender, adjusting heat as needed to maintain gentle simmer and stirring occasionally, about 2 hours.


Uncover pot; tilt to 1 side and spoon off fat from surface of ragù. Gently press pork pieces with back of fork to break up meat coarsely. Season ragù to taste with salt and pepper. (Can be made 2 days ahead. Cool slightly. Refrigerate uncovered until cold, then cover and keep refrigerated. Rewarm over low heat before continuing.)

Preheat oven to 400°F. Butter 15x10x2-inch glass baking dish or other 4-quart baking dish. Cook pasta in large pot of boiling salted water until tender but still firm to bite, stirring occasionally. Drain pasta; mix into ragù. Season mixture to taste with salt and pepper; transfer to prepared dish. Sprinkle both cheeses over. Bake until heated through and golden, about 20 minutes.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Shaken, not stirred



Unlike Margaritas, I prefer my family blended rather than on the rocks.  It's not always easy but it's better than the alternative (a sweet and sour slushy mess complete with legal fees and heartburn).  Tonight was a nice evening at my father's house with his lovely SO (that's significant other, for you uninitiated folk) Barbara, Jake, Tom, the sistah Melinda and Patrick and Crista.  Attached is a picture of Jake making out with Margot.  We still suspect he may turn out fairly normal, depsite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, as illustrated by this photo.

My intent in writing this blog is not to embarass anyone in my family or group of friends.  Please be assured, any resulting humiliation or uncomfortable feelings that may result from you being mentioned here is purely unintentional (and totally delicious).

Jake's Poem, written last year in 2nd grade


Thuja Plicata/Arbor Vitae


Thuja Plicata/Arbor Vitae

Making my way through forest park
Snow falling all around me as I take the silent trek with the blonde beauty
My tracks are first which seems satisfying somehow.Add Image

A month ago you fell and I’ve walked past you several times since then
But today, thoughts of botox and birthday filled my head
Silly woman clinging to the youth she never squandered.

Was it a terrific gust that brought you down in that December storm
Or was it the collective efforts of the rain and wind over so many decades
And does it matter what finally brought you weeping to the forest floor?

Days after you gave way to the forces you could not match
They came with screaming chainsaws and cut you in two,
Your magnificent corpse impeding the progress of hikers.

Cracked wide and yawning open
Your belly red and teeming with mushrooms and insects
In your death you continue to give life.

First Blog. Bear with me.

I've decided that as part of my New Year's resolutions and total life-changing goals, keeping a blog would be a good way to achieve my new inner adequateness. I'm not aiming for perfection; I'll leave that for saints and pageant contestants like the lovely Ms. Prejan.

No, I'm just hoping to accomplish a few minor things this year, like becoming a well-rounded person (but less round), insanely good golfer (but not too good because Tom hates it when I out drive him), even better mom (though if you ask Jake, this isn't possible, and I wonder if that's because he thinks I am fabulous or just because he knows my limitations as a human being may prevent significant development in this area), and the ultimate employment lawyer for my employer, succeeding in quashing hungry plaintiff's dreams of easy cash and reducing them to tears on a daily basis.

As you can see, I've got some work to do. Because my husband accused me recently of making him gain weight through my kitchen sorcery and all-around mischievous nature (if he's fat, no other woman will want him! mwa ha ha ha ha), I have punished him by making him embark on a get-in-better-shape plan for the new year with me, with a goal of supermodel-dom by May, when we embark to Vegas for my ex-husband's wedding and Tom's son's 21st birthday. My nephew Nick will also be celebrating his 21st birthday in Vegas at the same time, so it should be a scene of total debauchery and all-around bad behavior. Needless to say, we want to look our best when we make this trip. Photos will be taken. There WILL be a record. 'Nuff said.

So basically, I plan to use this blog to share healthy recipes, workout tips, results (only the good ones, of course), and as a place to go for distraction when the white wine and brie is calling and I really need to find something else to do. Also, I will likely complain from time to time about how hungry I am. I'LL PLAN TO DO THAT IN ALL CAPS.

I'll also be posting blogs loaded with my opinions about various events in my life and current events. I am not allowed to vent to my husband or child anymore about the insidious Sarah Palin, or the fact that people on reality shows are not "actors." My rantings about Richard Heene have also been curbed at home, and don't get me started on the smoking ban. Basically, this blog will serve as a shout into an empty, cold universe of despair. I hope I don't offend anyone. Then again, that's sort of my specialty.

One more thing. Once in a while I like to write a poem or a song. I'll torture you with that too.