The politics of blogging

The other day, I was having a convertextion with my sister Melinda. We don’t usually talk on the phone, as it is too much of a hassle. We find that punching out our innermost thoughts on our cell phones is a much more efficient and psychologically rewarding way to exchange information and personal feelings. She had read a recent blog and was trying to guess the identity of who I was referring to in my post about the Match.com date from hell. 

We then got into a discustextion about the cruel irony of creating a blog to express yourself, but simultaneously being restrained from writing about certain experiences because of the audience you have invited to your blog as well as your unknown readers (a.k.a. "lurkers"). This subject arose because she had a topic suggestion for my next blog regarding an issue with which we have both struggled.
“I have an idea!” she announced, “You should write a blog about (blanking) a (blank) (blank).

“Are you kidding me?” I laughed (as much as one can laugh on a text message, that is).  "I can’t write about (blanking) a (blank) (blank)!  Tom would kill me!”

This got me thinking about all the topics I really can’t go near, given who I know is reading this and that I am not exactly sure who the rest of my audience is. While I may only have 24 “public” followers, something tells me (a wildly optimistic ego and a little word on the street) that at least 2,450 other people are reading my almost daily musings.  Some of you, I know about.  Others, I don't.  But I wonder, and I worry.  Still, like a bulimic sorority sister anxious to purge the latest trip to Pizzacato before the big barn dance on Friday, I have thoughts and opinions that simply must be expressed, or I'll explode.

Therefore, to be on the safe side today, I am going to blog a Mad Lib. If you don’t know what a Mad Lib is, google it. I don’t have time to answer your stupid questions.

MAD LIB BLOG

Today was a (adjective) day. I started out the day by (verb) ing my (noun).  It  had been a few days since I had (past tense verb)ed my (noun) and it really made my morning.

My (noun) was shortlived, however, when I received a(n) (noun) from (noun). 

"(pronoun) is at it again," (pronoun) said.  "I just don't know how much longer I can (verb) this without (verb)ing  (pronoun)."

"Screw (pronoun)," I said in response.  (Pronoun) is just (adjective) because you are a (adjective) (noun) and (pronoun) is the most hated (noun) in Portland.  You know (pronoun) is just doing this to increase revenue and cause dissention.  Ignore (pronoun) and concentrate on how (adverb) it will be to (verb) (pronoun) tonight!"

See, this doesn't work.  The Mad Lib approach to what my ex-husband refers to as "that blog thing of yours, and no I don't want to follow it publically," just doesn't work for me.  So the question is, do I write about painful and embarassing subjects and enjoy the cathartic release despite causing myself (and potentially others) discomfort?  Do I avoid all touchy subjects?  Or, in the alternative, do I just bury what I am saying so deep in metaphors, similies, analogies, personification, metonymy, etc that nobody knows what I am talking about?  And if so, why bother writing at all?

The other option my sister suggested was a contest blog to see whose dog is cuter: hers or mine.  And to that end, I present Suki

and Margot

Poor Suki doesn't stand a chance.